Ten Reasons Why Socrates has Not Written in Two Weeks

 

1. Socrates is busy finishing a Ph.D entitled “The Mysterious Yet Thrilling Life of Killer Turtles”

2. Socrates has developed a great need to bake and has been baking 67 trays of chocolate chip cookies every day for the past two weeks, as this is the only recipe which Socrates is capable of baking.

3. Socrates is put out by a broken hip.  She fell while bringing in the groceries which consisted of one carton of eggs and a 2 oz. bag of soy chips, 6 servings per bag, 120 calories a serving.  One serving is half a chip.

4. Socrates has been watching skateboarding instruction on YouTube, yet has never bought a skateboard.  Motto: “Better safe than sorry.”

5. Socrates is having a midlife crisis and is recovering from a gender change.

6. Socrates is trying to learn how to play guitar.  Her neighbors complained of loud noises coming from a nearby basement and now Socrates is being held  in custody by the po po.  Bail is set at $25, yet nobody seems to have that exact amount of cash on their immediate body.

7. Socrates was having a quarter life crisis and naturally sought religious solace in a cult in Alaska.  She decided, however, that cult life did not suit her, as she did not want to complete Step 6: shave your hair and cut off your pinkie.  She escaped with but the shirt on her back and joined a close-knit Hassidic sect in a secluded area of Brooklyn.

8. Socrates went to buy socks.  No further explanation needed.

9. Socrates is writing her will.  She is giving every one of her plastic bangles to another of her favorite squirrels. Her flowered pillow case goes to her ex-best friend, Frederick IV.

10. Socrates is busy opening a goldfish store for lost and unwanted goldfish who have a 99% chance of dying in two minutes.

Ten Reasons to Join the Circus

 

1. You get to have friends who fly

2. You can learn to fly

3. You can balance on someones toe, a practical life skill which just may come in handy

4. You learn how to think of someone else before yourself, aka, catch that flying person before she crashes her head in the ground STAT!

5. You can swing from those trapezes when your bored

6. You can wave to the audience when your really bored

7. You get to wear face paint all day long

8. costumes, hello??

9. You learn how to be patient.  While you already know all the moves, you need to wait for the slow acrobats to learn theirs. Practice waving.

10. Yes, Socrates, the circus is the best place for me.  What about you?  Will you join as well?  Or turn to practical career choices such as litigation paralegal? Assistant Manager of the Billing Department? Or perhaps, potato chip inspector? Yes, that’s a real job.  Google it.

Bye,

Dante